02 July 2008
I am sort of retarded for squirrels. I don't know why, but I adore them. My dad calls them yard rats, especially when shooting at them with a paintball gun (which, I admit, can be funny, when you see a squirrel or rabbit run by with a neon pink splat on the side, because that usually means dear old dad is nearby). Yard rats or not, they are too cute for words and fun to watch. My dog agrees. Lady spends the better part of her day watching them through the window. Of course her mouth is watering, too, although I'm sure she wouldn't eat my little friends. Not my dog.
I have also always wanted a stuffed squirrel, as in from the taxidermist, to put somewhere in my house. Again, I don't know why, since I'm sort of scared by other mounted heads and the like. I have wanted one since even before I saw it on Funny Farm, with Chevy Chase, although his wife understood the coolness factor of a stuffed squirrel. I have looked extensively for years for just the right one, like I am shopping for a puppy. I know, its weird. However, not until good ol' ebay rolled along did I start finding what I was searching for. Now its partly a matter of price, since even I cannot rationalize spending a hundred dollars for a stuffed and mounted squirrel. I have found some instructions to do it myself:
Although I am just not sure I am quite country enough to do it. You can take the girl out of the city, but you can't take the city out of the girl. Living in Kentucky has made me braver, to be sure, "what, that little ol' bug? Stop crying, and kill it, for pity's sake" but stuff my own squirrel? I don't know. Besides, I kind of want to pretend it wasn't just running around, having a great day before Pow! it gets gunned down in the name of art. I'd like to think that my squirrel died of natural causes. How can I think that if I have to get the squirrel myself? I keep waiting for one to drop dead of old age on my front porch, but so far, no luck.
Besides, I kind of want one that looks like he might shoot back: